Interviews

These interviews were conducted with youth and staff from Rainbow Alley, a GLBT Youth Center in Downtown Denver. As you can see, all participants were asked which names they wanted to go by. Sorry if I misquoted anyone, a few of the interviews were very quiet on the recorder. If you have a correction, email me at sage.charcoal@gmail.com. Thanks to everyone who participated, you helped me, even if you weren't quoted in the blogs.


Interview 1: Regina
Sage: If I refer to you in my product, what do you want me to call you?
Regina: Regina
Sage: How do you personally identify?
Regina: Transgender, male to female
Sage: Do your friends know how you identify?
Regina: Yes
Sage: Does your family know how you identify?
Regina: Uhm, I told my mom, so yeah.
Sage: How did she take that?
Regina: She's always kind of know, like, that I identified differently. First, I came out as gay, cause it was easier to tell her I was gay. And then, I've always kinda known, I played with Barbies, I dressed as a female, with makeup all the time. Like, I wore bras when I was a little kid, and my sister's clothes and stuff. I've kind of always known that I was transgendered, but it was easier for me to come out as gay. They have no judgment.
Sage: What about your friends? Was it harder or easier then your family?
Regina: I've told the friends I have now. I haven't told any of the friends that I had back in high school. It was hard for me to come out to them.
Sage: When did you first realize that you didn't fit into traditional gender roles?
Regina: Uhm... I think it was about... 8 years old?
Sage: What made you realize it?
Regina: I asked my mom for a doll house for Christmas, and I realized all my friends were girls, and I was really close to them.
Sage: Do you ever present as the gender you identify as?
Regina: Yes I do.
Sage: How often?
Regina: All the time
Sage: Have you ever been harassed because of your gender identity
Regina: No I have not.
Sage: Anything else you want to add?
Regina: I haven't been harassed... what do you mean by harassed?
Sage: Like, called names...
Regina: I've been called a fag a couple times.
Sage: In public?
Regina: Yeah, in public.
Sage: Alright, that's it. Thank you.


Interview 2: Seth
Sage: What name would you like me to refer to you by?
Seth: Uhh, I don't care, Seth
Sage: Do you mind if I use pictures of you?
Seth: Ffff like I give a shit.
Sage: How do you personally identify?
Seth: I personally identify as androgynous.
Sage: How do you express that?
Seth: Well, I am a drag queen when drag shows pop around. And in normal cases I'm just a guy that runs around with very feminine clothing and makeup.
Sage: Alright. Do your friends know how you identify?
Seth: If they didn't it would be pretty funny.
Sage: Just like 'Seth, why are you wearing makeup?” Does your family know how you identify?
Seth: Yeah, they stopped asking questions after the first few years.
Sage: So, did you just like, start wearing makeup?
Seth: Yeah, in middle school.
Sage: Okay. The question was how did you come out to them. But if you just started wearing makeup...
Seth: How did I come out to them? I'm just like 'Hey, guess what everybody!” and they were like “Awww, really? Really? Like we didn't know that?”
Sage: When did you first... you just said in middle school, I don't have to ask you that question. What made you want to start wearing makeup?
Seth: It made me look pretty! But uhm, also... I don't know, a lot of my favorite celebrities were very androgynous males slash drag queens...
Sage: That's a good answer, and I can use that, good job.; Have you ever been harassed?
Seth: I think everybody gets harassed at some point in their lives.
Sage: Anything else you want to add?
Seth: Uhm... I don't know.
Sage: That's it, you're free to go.



Interview 3: Cici
Sage: What name would you like me to refer to you by?
CiCi: Cici
Sage: How do you personally identify, in terms of gender identity, expression, whatever?
CiCi: Transexual.
Sage: Do your friends know how you identify?
CiCi: Yes.
Sage: Does your family know how you identify?
CiCi: Yes.
Sage: How did you come out to your friends and family?
CiCi: Uh,, I don't know. Just told them.
Sage: When did you first realize you didn't fit traditional gender roles?
CiCi: Probably about twelve.
Sage: What made you realize it?
CiCi: This is kind of weird... I watched the Jerry Springer show.
Sage: Do you usually present as the gender you identify as?
CiCi: Yes.
Sage: Have you ever been harassed based on your gender identity?
CiCi: No.
Sage: Okay. Anything else you want to add?
CiCi: Nope.
Sage: Alright, that's it.


Interview 4: Dulcinea
Sage: Okay, so, what name do you want me to refer to you by?
Dulcinea: I guess I can go by my mother's name.
Sage: how do you spell that?
Dulcinea: D-U-L-C-I-N-E-A
Sage:How do you personally identify?
Dulcinea: Transgendered
Sage: Do your friends know how you identify?
Dulcinea: Yes they do.
Sage: Does your family?
Dulcinea: No... not yet.
Sage: How did you come out to your friends?
Dulcinea: It was very easy to come out to my friends, I hang out with them all the time. I talked to them about it before I started being a transgendered female.
Sage: When did you first realize you didn't fit into traditional gender roles?
Dulcinea: I knew as soon as I turned 12. I believe I was trying to fight it for some reason. But I digress...
Sage: No, continue, why was that?
Dulcinea: Well mostly because I didn't really understand all of the different views.. because I was so new to it all.
Sage: Was it a lack of support, too?
Dulcinea: A little bit of both.
Sage: What made you start realizing and accepting it?
Dulcinea: I started realizing it last year. That's when I noticed the way I used to act when I was little, all the toys I used to play with. Just growing up... it finally made sense.
Sage: Do you usually present as the gender you identify as?
Dulcinea: It depends on what I'm going through, I dress differently in different situations.
Sage: Have you ever been harassed based on gender?
Dulcinea: I have been harassed once, by one of my friends who I recently told, just last Saturday, and he didn't accept it, wasn't willing to listen.
Sage: Is there anything else you want to add?
Dulcinea: Mostly, if you want to identify as a transgendered male or female, make sure it's 100% what you're feeling, but, like I said I used to fight it, but now I understand more into the transgendered world, and I realize that's what I am. If that's what you want, go for it, don't hold back.
Sage: Alright. Thank you, that's it.



Interview 5: Eleanor
Sage: So what name do you want to go by?
Eleanor: Eleanor
Sage: How do you personally identify?
Eleanor: Gender-wise?
Sage: Anything, but yeah, gender.
Eleanor: Uhm... gender-wise, I identify as a trans woman, for the most part, yes.
Sage: Do your friends know how you identify?
Eleanor: Yes, pretty much all of my friends.
Sage: Does your family know how you identify?
Eleanor: My direct nuclear family, like my parents and my brothers do. My extended family doesn't.
Sage: How did you come out to your friends and family?
Eleanor: My friends, I was lucky enough that a lot of my coming was out was amongst other queer-identified and trans-identified people. So, it was really basically pretty simple, “Oh, you want to go by ladies' pronouns now, and this name.” With family, my brothers are also really awesome. So it was a really easy process of just telling them. With my parents, I told my mom first and she told my dad. But that was after a few years of identifying that way.
Sage: When did you first realize you didn't fit into traditional gender roles?
Eleanor: It's hard to say... cause I think there's like... I remember really specifically when I was like four or five realizing that it was not ok to be feminine or a girl, but I didn't really have words to describe that, I just felt a lot of shame around it. So, kind of then, but it was like a process, I was pretty butch, and I am pretty butch. So being a boy wasn't a huge deal till I was in like, middle school, then it hit pretty hard because things change in middle, school, with how boys are supposed to act..
Sage: Separating more?
Eleanor: Yeah. Like, puberty hits, and you're like Oh My God, my body is so weird. So, it was kind of like originally when I was really little, and again when I was in middle school.
Sage: Well, i don't really have to ask this, but do you usually present as the gender you identify as?
Eleanor: Uhm, Y- I- yes and no. Like, i guess so, yeah. It's complicated, you know? It depends on who I'm with. Generally I pass-
Sage: You're on hormones, right?
Eleanor: Yeah.
Sage: So that must make it a little difficult to not present...
Eleanor: Right, but it's still like-
Sage: Possible?
Eleanor: yeah, for sure, I definitely pass a lot more then ever did. Which sometimes feels really weird. Passing- I never thought I would pass in my life, so once I started doing that, it was kind of like this shock.
Sage: Have you ever been harassed because of your gender identity?
Eleanor: Haha, yeah. Yeah.
Sage: By strangers?
Eleanor: I mean, like, growing up being a boy, anytime boys are effeminate at all, they're teased. And it's not necessarily about being trans, it's just about presenting femininely. I definitely got like- made fun of and teased a lot in middle school, and in high school I wasn't ever out as queer or as trans, but it didn't really matter because people pegged me as trans or queer or gay or whatever they called it
Sage: Did it get worse or better when you started passing?
Eleanor: I dropped out of high school, and a huge reason for that was harassment and fear of violence. I've never been really physically assaulted in a serious way, but it's always a fear that exists, that's very real. And, so definitely harassment around being a girl kind of thing stopped a lot, like, doesn't happen very much anything, like now that I started passing in the past year. But, I get harassed for being a woman now a lot more. Like, I get a lot more catcalls, I get a lot more harassment just for sleazy guys hitting on me. So, it's this weird... cooool, now I'm not being harassed for this one reason, but I am being harassed for this other reason.
Sage: Is there anything else you want to add?
Eleanor: Nope.
Sage: Well, that's it. Thank you.



Interview 6: Waffles
Sage: If I refer to you, what name do you want to go by?
Waffles: Uhm...
Sage: Just Waffles?
Waffles: Sure.
Sage: Ok. How do you personally identify?
Waffles: I personally identify as a boy.
Sage: Do your friends know how you identify?
Waffles: Some of them do.
Sage: Does your family know how you identify?
Waffles: They refused to acknowledge it.
Sage: How did you come out to your friends and family.
Waffles: I tried to sit down and talk to my mom about it, but she didn't want to acknowledge it, she said we had to talk about it and we never did.
Sage: Do you think she doesn't believe you, or does she just not want to accept it?
Waffles: She doesn't want to accept it.
Sage: When did you first realize you didn't fit into traditional gender roles?
Waffles: Two years ago
Sage: What made you realize it?
Waffles: The way that I looked and felt like a boy, instead of a girl.
Sage: Do you usually present as the gender you identify as?
Waffles: What?
Sage: Do you dress like a boy.
Waffles: Yes.
Sage: Have you ever been harassed because of how you look?
Waffles: Yeah.
Sage: By whom?
Waffles: Some kids at school.
Sage: Anything else you want to add?
Waffles: No.
Sage: Alright, thank you.



Interview 7: Julia.
Sage: What name do you want to go by?
Julia: Julia.
Sage: How do you personally identify?
Julia: As a transgendered female.
Sage: Do your friends know how you identify?
Julia: Mhm.
Sage: Does your family know how you identify?
Julia: Yes.
Sage: How did you come out to your friends and family?
Julia: It was when I was in my placement home, I didn't know what I was, I just knew that I wanted to be a girl. Then, once I got into my placements, I could be me, but I always thought I was gay, because I didn't know what transgendered was. Then, when I turned 16, I was in a placement, and I found out that transgendered is a real thing, and I was like “Oh, that's what I am.” It took me like a week after that to tell my mom. Because she'd always said “Uh, if you ever grow up to be a fag It'll be so bad and blah blah blah.” And finally, I told her and she got quiet and everything, but then she said “I love you for who you are, not what you do.” And then once I got out of my placement and everything, she tried to get used to the idea. She was hoping, she was like “I hope it's a phase, but if it's not, we'll see what happens after...” And now she knows it's not a phase. She calls me her daughter but she messes up sometimes and calls me by male pronouns. Then my friends... I don't really know what I did, but my friends know.
Sage: Do you usually present as the gender you identify as?
Julia: Yes
Sage: Have you ever been harassed because of that?
Julia: Yes I have.
Sage: By strangers...?
Julia: Not by strangers, like, it's usually by people who kind of know me, or I've been acquainted with them before.
Sage: Anything else you want to add?
Julia: Uhm... no.
Sage: Alright, thank you, that's it.


Interview 8: Xander
Sage: So, what name do you want to go by?
Xander: Xander I guess
Sage: How do you personally identify?
Xander: I'm a male.
Sage: Do your friends know how you identify?
Xander: Mhm.
Sage: Does your family?
Xander: Yep.
Sage: How did you come out to your friends and family?
Xander: Todl my friends that it was easier for me to believe that I was a male, when I was female, and they believed it too. And I had my gaybutante speech from 2008 recorded and I requested it-
Sage: I've seen it on youtube
Xander: A lot of people have. But I requested it on this show called blogtv, and that's how my parents found out.
Sage: How did your parents take it?
Xander: My mother still doesn't respect it, my father is trying to.
Sage: When did you first realize you didn't fit into traditional gender roles?
Xander: I've realized it since I was little, like, I've always acted more masculine, and when I turned 8 or so, my mom told me I can't walk around the block without a shirt on anymore. I always took the fatherly role when playing house. If I didn't get the father role, I'd complain till I was able to get some other male role.
Sage: What made you definitively realize you were a man?
Xander: Coming to Rainbow Alley.
Sage: Okay. Do you usually present as the gender you identify as?
Xander: Yes.
Sage: Have you ever been harassed because of that?
Xander: A couple of times.
Sage: By strangers? Friends?
Xander: Strangers.
Sage: Anything else you want to add?
Xander: No.
Sage: That's it then.
Xander: That was easy.
Sage: Thank you.